I Miss Reading . . . and A LOT of other things!

A friend of mine recently asked me if I had ever read the book, “tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. She said, “he allows himself 10 minutes a day to mourn the passing of the old him.  After that, he lives in the moment for the day.”

I thought about this and although I do “live in the moment”, I don’t take the 10 minutes a day to mourn the passing of the old me. To be honest, I probably take a little too much time to mourn. 

“Don’t cling to things because everything is impermanent.” 
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

For instance, I thought to myself, “I would love to read this book, but I wouldn’t be able to remember what I’ve read.” Don’t get me wrong, I “CAN” still read, I just don’t retain anything I have read. Then I started thinking of all the books I’ve read over the years and how much I enjoyed reading. Then I got sad. Instead of taking 10 minutes to mourn, I took a little more . . . OK, A LOT MORE!!!
I not only mourned not being able to retain what I’ve read, I mourned not being able to work anymore. Working not only gave me a purpose but it also provided me with an income, an income that helped me provide for my family. Now, through Social Security Disability Insurance, I receive approximately 3% of the salary I used to receive. I’m thankful for receiving that but sometimes, I only look at the glass half-full.

“I give myself a good cry if I need it, but then I concentrate on all good things still in my life.” 
―  Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

I also mourn the loss of my driving privileges. Due to my brain hemorrhage that was discovered back in February of this year, as well as the temporary loss of my ability to speak, my Doctor strongly urged that I discontinue driving. I knew what “strongly urged” meant and I knew that would be the last day I would ever drive. I mourned a lot over that . . . and still do, however, it wouldn’t compare to the amount of time I would mourn if I hurt someone in my vehicle or in another vehicle.

“This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It’s knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.” 
―  Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

I mourn the loss of friends. When I told Shannon that I wanted to “talk about my Alzheimer’s” she turned to me and said, “just remember, once you put it out there, you can’t take it back.” She was right!
My thought was, talking is my strong suit. By talking about it, it would hopefully help others have a better understanding of Alzheimer’s Disease and how individuals like me can still live a pretty good life. Also, by talking about it would keep me engaged, keep my brain working.
What I didn’t know was how many people would stop speaking to/with me because they didn’t think I would be able to carry on a conversation with them. Also, as I wrote about in a previous blog post, there are those who feel I’ve been faking this whole thing.
I wish I didn’t mourn that as much as I do.
However, looking now at the glass half-full, I have met some pretty phenomenal people in the Dementia World. These individuals are some of the bravest, funniest, most intelligent people I have come to know.
I have also discovered my true mission in life and that is being an International Dementia Advocate. It gives me purpose, drive and passion to a level I have never experienced. 

“Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” 
―  Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

I mourn a lot of other things, too many to go into here, however, I’ve realized by writing this blog post, and although I didn’t read “tuesdays with Morrie” I read some of the quotes from the book (some of which I’ve listed here) and I made myself a note and stuck it on my desk so I will see it every day. I may have to put one on the bathroom mirror, one by my recliner, make it my opening screen on my phone . . . 

Whatever it takes to remind me to keep the mourning at a minimum.

“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.” 
―  Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

I’ve never tried to paint a rosy picture of what it’s like to live with Alzheimer’s. I wouldn’t be honest with myself or with you if I did that. Just know, I don’t do it for sympathy. I don’t want nor need anyone’s sympathy. All I want to do is to live the best life I can possibly live in the remaining years that I have, which I hope will be many.
Until then, I’m going to continue my Advocacy Journey, doing the best I can to share awareness and education as it relates to everything Alzheimer’s and other Dementia-Related Illnesses.

Oh yeah, and remember to mourn no more than 10 minutes a day!

Until next time . . .
PEACE

B