“Weighing In” on a Few Things

First, let’s do some housekeeping:

  1. Yes, I still have Alzheimer’s Disease (and no, I’m still not “Faking It.”)
  2. I know everyone wishes for (me as well as everyone else with a Dementia-Related Illness) a cure/prevention/stop of progression (no one wishes that more than me) but there’s still not any of these “yet”, so I live each day as best I can, one moment at a time.
  3. I’m still me and “on most days” you can still talk, joke and laugh with me and I will talk, joke and laugh right back with you.
  4. On the “not-so-good-days”, well let’s just say I have them but don’t remember too much about them, which, when you look at it from my point of view, is actually a fortunate occurrence. 

That should bring everyone up to date, so let’s move on.

I don’t get out too much anymore being I am no longer able to drive. I have to depend on my family and some very close acquaintances to take me wherever I need/want to go. The “need to go” far outweighs the “want to go” because I don’t like asking anyone to take me anywhere. I do have the option to “UBER” anywhere I want to go, but I don’t usually opt for that either.

When I do get out and run into people I know, it’s nice to see them. It just reminds of years ago when I was out and about, being part of the social scene. The only difference now is the way I am greeted. (Please don’t think I am being disrespectful or ungrateful for what I’m about to say, just bear with me.) Now, when people see me, they come up and they get a sort of sad expression on their face and they say, in a very caring tone, “Hey, how are you? You look GREAT!!!” The first thing that pops into my mind is, “WOW! I must have looked like crap years ago. What I didn’t realize is the transformation I have gone through.

Let me explain:
One of the changes that comes with Alzheimer’s Disease and one that I am now experiencing is a change in my taste buds as well as in the way I smell things.

Here are 2 articles I found which may be helpful for you to understand . . . 

How Dementia Tampers With Taste Buds
Food, Eating and Alzheimer’s

Putting 2 and 2 together, when you can’t smell and/or taste the food you are eating, you tend not to enjoy it very much and you also tend not to eat too much.
Growing up in New Orleans, I ate some of the best food in the world . . . and a lot of it. At my highest weight, I was 285lbs. I lost a significant amount of weight and usually kept it between 240lbs and 210lbs, sometimes dipping below, sometimes going a bit higher.

Recently, I did notice that my clothes were not fitting me like they used to. Some were literally falling off of me. What I didn’t realize, until I started seeing recent photos of me is how much weight I had lost. Then I stepped on the scale . . . I saw it steadily drop from 180 to 170 to 160 and now to 155lbs. (I have no recollection as to the last time I was even close to 150lbs but i think it was around the time of my birth.)

I can still recall my Mother taking me to JoAnn’s Husky Shop in New Orleans to shop for clothes. I wanted to wear “normal clothes” but my body had other plans, which usually included the delicious, mouthwatering donuts and pastries from Haydels Bakery and McKenzie’s. I can still taste those delicious buttermilk drops, hot glazed donuts and every pastry you could ever imagine. It was a little fat boys dream for they were both in a “bicycle ride” distance. (All that sugar could be why I have Type II Diabetes today, but I digress.)

ANYWAYS, back to the present . . . I started looking at recent photos of me wearing clothes that were the correct size for me and THAT is when it really hit me.

(Here are 2 photos I took right after my walk this morning August 23rd, 2017, in case any of you haven’t seen me in a while.
And yes, I know I have NO BUTT, but even at my heaviest, I still had NO BUTT! Thanks Dad!

The reason I posted these photos is because if someone hasn’t seen me in a long time and they see me now, looking like I do, no wonder I’m greeted like I am. I would probably do the same if I saw me.

Don’t worry, I still eat, I just don’t eat nearly as much as I used to. I eat healthier food,  I don’t snack a lot and now I’m walking every day (or when it’s not raining or due to scheduling conflicts) .

What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry if I thought badly of anyone for having that sad tone in their voice or for telling me I “look great” which is what you tell a sick person to make them feel better about the themselves. Ironically, looking at me now and looking at me a year ago, I kinda-sorta do look sick.

I guess another reason I didn’t see what others see is because in my mind, I’m still me, or at least a version of me.
I know I’m not as sharp as I used to be.
I know I can’t remember too much from yesterday or the day before.
I know I still have to rely on electronic devices to tell me what to do and when to do it.
I know there are things I can no longer do, but I also know why I think like I do and I also know you’ve heard it before, but it’s what I live by . . .

I Have Alzheimer’s BUT . . . it Doesn’t Have Me
for I Don’t Allow it to Define Who I Am!

That’s it for now.
Until Next Time . . .



9 thoughts on ““Weighing In” on a Few Things

  1. Brian, your blog is, to me, is heart rendering. I am visualizing the same changes I saw in my husband. When we both began writing our book, which you have a copy of, he was amazing in that he shared what was going on with him, with our readers. He allowed us into his life just as you are doing. Both of you are to be praised as helping others in a way no one else can – no speaker, no professional can say what you are saying and feeling. I am so very honored to call you my friend, even though it’s a long distance friendship. I have my own medical issues and cannot get to my own home town – Pensacola. But if I could, I would come to meet you the first thing after getting off the plane. I don’t know what more I can say, except I respect you 10000 %…💗

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It seems that Alzheimer’s initials signs can be different for everyone. My brother, who lived in a large metropolitan area, didn’t own a car. He walked everywhere. I remember him telling us that the first thing he noticed that was different about him was his gait. He could tell he wasn’t walking with the same gait as he had for years. Next was having trouble with numbers. He also lost weight, even though he had been fit throughout his life.

    Looking at those pictures, it’s hard to imagine you were ever 285 lbs!


  3. As always your posts help me to understand a little more about what my dear wife might be experiencing. Many thanks for the open way you describe what it is like for you to have dementia.


  4. I am so thankful I came across your blog today. My dad is 84 with ALZ he is still working mowing yards. He doesn’t think anything is wrong with him. I am so conflicted a lot of the time. I am his only child and only daughter. I love him more than anything. This has been so hard on me, and I know it has been for him as well. I know I need to take his truck away, but how can I do that when he doesn’t understand he has this. I just found out his diagnosis last March. No one told me. His DR never discussed it with me and said he has had it for years. I see him going back and froth between stages 4, 5, 6, I got him a neuro psych eval 2 weeks ago which really helped me understand why he had been overdrawling his bank account because he can’t put numbers in a sequence which made sense why he wasn’t balancing the checkbook or going back to look to see what bills we did pay. no checks and balances. he has progressed backward with some memory deficit but mostly critical thinking going away first. He is the only family I have. I’m 35. Your blog is helping me understand so many things about how my dad sees things as well as why he only eats certain things. Thank you for sahring your story,.


    1. Amy, thank you for your kind words. I’m so happy what I wrote has helped you.
      It’s so hard when the person taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s is doing it by themselves. Feel free to message me on Facebook or email and we can talk about things.
      What I can offer is what I can remember and what my experiences were when I was faced with some of the same issues.
      Let’s talk!


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