For this year’s event, organisations and interested individuals can get involved by supporting awareness through contacting the Alzheimer’s association in their specific country. https://alz.org
Every September, people come together from all around the world to raise awareness and to challenge the stigma that persists around #dementia. September 2021 marks the 10th year of this vital global awareness raising campaign.
September 21st also marks World Alzheimer’s Day. For ADI, World Alzheimer’s Day typically coincides with the launch of our World Alzheimer Report. In 2021, our report will focus on diagnosis.
It is only through a truly global effort that we can raise much needed awareness and challenge the stigma and misinformation that still surrounds dementia, and we are calling on everyone to do something during September, however small or large, through our campaign #Know DementiaKnowAlzheimers.
There are many ways to get involved with World Alzheimer’s Month, whether it be sharing messages on social media or attending events and activities put on by your local Alzheimer’s association. For this year’s event, organisations and interested individuals can get involved by supporting awareness through contacting the Alzheimer’s association in their specific country.
No action is too small.
We are calling on everyone, from individuals to large organisations, including every Alzheimer’s and dementia association globally, to support World Alzheimer’s Month by getting involved and sharing our messages on social media, alongside the campaign hashtags of #KnowDementia #KnowAlzheimers.
Dementia knows no age. It equally takes the memories of man, woman and even children. It cruelly attacks our most recent, precious memories, leaving us with our long-term memories, which allows us to remember what was but not yesterday or today. It can stop our brain from functioning at a moments notice like a pitch black curtain descending in our heads, causing us to lose our words and complete thoughts in mid conversation with no way to retrieve them, leaving us standing there with a blank expression. No matter what we do to try to stop it, DEMENTIA MARCHES ON!
I’m not writing this to depress you or to make you feel sorry for those of us that are living with a Dementia-Related Illness, I’m just trying to help you understand what we experience, sometimes for a minute, an hour, a day or days. To put it bluntly, IT SUCKS!!!
What I do ask you is to not feel sorry for us. I ask that you to interact with us just like you would anyone else. But wait . . . that’s not all!
Dementia not only affects memory. There are also side effects that come along with our Disease. Some, but not all are anger, emotional roller coasters, hallucinations, depression, anxiety, difficulties with visual and spatial abilities, problem solving, difficulties handling complex tasks, difficulties with planning and organizing, and later on, difficulties in completing every day tasks and more issues as we progress. To make matters worse, according to #AARP, some scientists say there is compelling evidence that the negative effects of the COVID virus could last even longer, possibly creating a surge of cases of dementia and cognitive decline years down the road.
I could go on and on but, I don’t want to and I think you get the point.
When 2021 was approaching, I realized that I was entering my 7th year of my Alzheimer’s journey and my 3rd year of my most recent diagnosis of Vascular Dementia. Has that stopped me from #LIVINGWELL? The answer to that question is NO! If anything, it pushed me forward to do things I might not have done before.
In 2019, I moved . . . again, but this time staying in FL. I moved to Largo to join my Life Partner / Care Partner Maureen Rulison. She has been a blessing in disguise, (she says she is not in disguise) organizing all my medications, vitamins, setting me up with my new physicians and basically helped organize my life. Adding to my list of addresses, we just recently moved to, what we hope to be, our forever home. (the U.S. Postal Service just breathed a sigh of relief! hahahah) We talked a lot about living on the water. With Maureen’s determination and the stars aligning, we were lucky to find what we were wishing for. Our backyard is Tampa Bay (the body of water, not the area) and the dolphins and birds greet us with a good morning every day. It’s surreal to live in a beautiful location and this location and all that it offers does help with my anxiety.
I’m saying this here and now, unless we win the lottery, we are NOT moving again.
I feel like I have jumped around a lot with this post, but I know I haven’t written a new BLOG post in quite a while so I had some catching up to do. My New Orleans friend of hundreds of years, Giorgio, texted me the other day with this message . . . “Good Morning my friend . . . I’m noticing there’s only 5 days left in January. When are you going to make your January post?”
Well Giorgio, here ya go my friend. Thanks for the heads up and not allowing me to get lazy. I need that push every now and then.
I would also like to thank all those who follow me and send your encouraging words. It really means a lot.
If I could leave you with words of encouragement . . . “If you are LIVING with a Dementia-Related Illness, don’t give up! If you know someone who is LIVING with a Dementia-Related Illness, drop them a line. It may be just what they need . If you can’t decide whether or not to keep in contact with someone who is LIVING with a Dementia-Related Illness, the answer is ALWAYS, YES!
What do you mean Mashed Potatoes and Strawberries don’t go together? Have you ever tried dipping those sweet, delicious strawberries into the creamy, buttery mashed potatoes? No? Neither have I and I doubt I ever will for I can just imagine the taste. YUK!!!
Although the title of this post may make you think I’m going to write about food, you would be mistaken. It’s more like things that don’t seem to go together but as time goes on, they do. You’ll see. This brings me back to a previous blog post “Changes in Lattitudes, Changes in Attitudes” https://bit.ly/2ZOaY0G where I referenced the opposite traits of the Cheetah and the Sloth. If you haven’t read that post, you should, but if not, it’s OK.
When living with someone who is structured, business minded, intelligent, organized, etc . . . and the other individual is ME, well how could anything go wrong? Throw in 2 different types of Dementia as well as other medical issues, that’s when things get interesting.
Let me explain so you can see the full picture . . .
Maureen wakes up at the crack of dawn, has her Chai Tea, heads into the office and starts working. I, on the other hand, have no idea what dawn looks like (other than the dish-washing liquid) and I will usually wake up long after dawn has turned into mid-morning. I go into the office, barely awake she tells me good morning and then immediately heads straight into telling me her, my, our schedules for the day. I usually have no idea what she is talking about for I don’t remember things from one day to the next, but if she says it’s on the calendar I just nod my head and then head to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of the the Morning Nectar of the Gods, otherwise known as COFFEE, which she had already prepared for me when she got up. All I have to do is flip the switch and that delicious aroma fills the kitchen.
I then sit down on the sofa, open up the Calendar on my phone and try to make sense of what I see on the calendar and try to remember all she said a few moments ago and appreciate all that she does for me. Since COVID-19 as well as some progression of my Alzheimer’s, I would not be able to run my own life as structured as she lays it out for me. She keeps my calendar organized, my medicines organized, my appointments organized, and so much more, all while running her own business. How she does it, I have no idea, but I am so very, very grateful.
So, what does this have to do with Mashed Potatoes and Strawberries? You’ll see.
I remember back in the early 70’s when my sweet, little niece would demand that I sit and watch Sesame Street with her every morning while she ignored her own breakfast and ate mine. Although it drove me crazy sometimes, I look back and I cherish those memories and wish I was back in the 70’s to relive those moments. Anyway, during one of the teaching moments, Sesame Street characters used to sing a song, “Which one of these things is not like the others”? or something like that.
I bring this up because that’s the way some of the morning conversations Maureen and I have during “MY” first thing in the morning. Now granted, she has already been up for several hours and her brain is moving at full capacity. Depending upon how I wake up (foggy, dizzy, sleep deprived, etc…) she will start out as she usually does on one topic but then goes right into the next one. The problem is, I’m still trying to digest what she WAS talking about as she is already into topic #2. I need to say, she is doing nothing wrong. I have asked her from the beginning of our relationship to NOTtreat me as if I have Alzheimer’s and she does that very well. When she switches topics. and goes straight into the other one without missing a beat, she doesn’t do it to be cruel, it’s just the way her mind works and because of my requests to not give me any special treatment.
I’m not sure my mind ever worked like that so in a way, I become quite fascinated as to how she keeps things straight. Any way, after she changes the topic, it takes me a little bit to realize that not only did she stop talking about one thing and switched to another, she is already half-way through topic #2. She sees the look on my face, realizes she has lost me and she says, “where did I lose you?” I reply,”somewhere between the mashed potato’s and Strawberries!) That’s my way of saying, “my brain was filling up with information (mashed potatoes) and all of a sudden, in comes another completely different topic (she mixed in the strawberries)thathas nothing to do with the topic she was just talking about and it all mixes together into one big lump of instant brain fog. Then here comes the Sesame Street song in my head (“Which one of these things is not like the other“?)
“Yes you did but I don’t know where” which is why I started saying, “it was somewhere between the mashed potatoes and the strawberries.” Although they are completely different I’m not really sure how I came up with that. Welcome into my head.
Other than they both come from the ground, they have never appeared on any menu as any entree’ or on any plate I have ever been served. All I knew it was the first thing that popped into my head that gives an example of two things that were opposite. Plus it always gets a laugh.
Maureen and I learn things about each other, sometimes daily. It helps us both to understand the other one better. Will it stop her from giving me my morning briefing? No because I have come to look forward to it. Will it change the way she delivers it to me? Maybe . . . Maybe Not. It depends upon whether or not she remembers. If not, Strawberries and Mashed Potatoes will fly!
I guess what I’m trying to say is, there is a difference between “KNOWINGof” someone with a Dementia-Related Illness and “Living 24/7 WITH“ someone with a Dementia-Related Illness. I know there are experts, or who claim they are experts when it comes to knowing all there is to know about Individuals with Dementia and some do a very good job of explaining things, but, in my humble opinion, if you want to know from the experts, talk to either a Care Partner / Life Partner or go straight to the horse’s mouth and talk with someone who is “LIVING WITH a Dementia-Related Illness.
Either way, be prepared to be served some Mashed Potatoes and Strawberries because if you have met ONE person with a Dementia-Related Illness or One Care Partner, you have only met ONE person!
Shortly after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in 2014, I came up with my tag line, “I Have Alzheimer’s BUT . . . It DOESN’T Have ME!!!”
What that meant to me was I didn’t want to be identified by my Alzheimer’s, rather, I still wanted to be identified as Brian. Well, things didn’t quite work out that way. Instead of continuing to identify me as Brian, it felt like more and more people started saying their good-bye’s. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails just went unanswered. It was a very lonely time and some days, it still is.
I use Social Media as a way to keep up with the latest trends, news, discoveries and anything positive I can find regarding Dementia-Related Illnesses. I also use Social Media to remain . . . SOCIAL. Most days I receive the “Memories” post that reminds me of past postings, photos and, of course, memories. While I enjoy looking at some of the photos, there are other photos that make me sad. These are usually photos of people I thought would be my friends forever but have now disappeared.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, whining, or looking for sympathy. I am simply trying to figure out why some of these folks just don’t engage with me anymore. These aren’t people who were just acquaintances, these were people I thought were my true friends and still would be throughout the rest of my life. This has proved not to be.
I am very thankful for those folks who still stay in touch with me. It brings me joy, smiles, warmth and all sorts of “feel good” feelings. I am so very thankful these folks have kept me as their friend and not toss me away like an old, used up newspaper.
This brings me to the title of this Blog Post, “Are There Do’s and Don’ts When it Comes to Dementia?” I know there aren’t really any rules but when I did some research, I came a cross the information below which is the closest thing I have found regarding the Do’s and Don’ts of Dementia
16 THINGS I WOULD WANT, IF I GOT DEMENTIA by Rachel Wonderlin
If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.
If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.
If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.
If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.
If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.
If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.
If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.
If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.
If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.
If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original places.
If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.
If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.
These 16 things make so much sense to me. It’s basically saying, “treat me as Brian”. I know there are some things listed above that “may seem” wrong, however, don’t look at it as wrong. People who are Living with a Dementia-Related Illness may sometimes have their own reality. I go through periods of time when my own reality may be skewed. If someone tries to correct me and guide me towards the reality they have, especially when I’m in my brain fog, let’s just say it usually does not end up pretty for I become argumentative, unreasonable, foul-mouthed and even more confused as I was to begin with. I know this because I ask Maureen to tell me, when I come out of my fog, if I did anything mean or say anything foul. I try to learn from it, but sometimes it just doesn’t stick.
I know I rambled and may have gotten off topic but, this is what happens sometimes with those of us living with Dementia. Some of my friends may have seen me acting in a peculiar way when I was in my fog. That could be a reason they stopped keeping in contact with me. Some other friends may have had a family member who recently passed away with a Dementia-Related Illness. It may be too hard for them to see me going down that path. Some other friends just may find it too hard to see me like I am. I didn’t like seeing my Grandfather or my Mother while they were on their Alzheimer’s Journey so, I understand.
Whatever your reason is for not staying in contact with me or someone else who is Living with a Dementia-Related Illness, those reasons are yours and yours alone. Just know, it’s OK. We may wonder why but the thing about Alzheimer’s and Other Dementia-Related Illnesses, we may just forget . . . until we see those Memories pop up on our Social Media feed.
“When you “DO” for someone what they can do for themselves, you disable them emotionally.”~ Jack Hosman (Maureen’s Dad)
I believe I mentioned this phrase before, “DON’T DO, BE” but in the “Dementia World” it is so very important and worth repeating.
Sometimes, Care Partners, family members and friends may see a PLWD (Person Living With Dementia) struggling to do something and their normal reaction is to jump right in and do it for them. You don’t want to see your loved one / friend struggle, so you help them.
Unbeknownst to you, your loved one / friend get’s extremely frustrated and lashes out at you. In your mind, you were only trying to help them. In the mind of the PLWD, you took away their ability to figure it out for themselves and, without asking, jumped right in and did it for them. In a way, you paralyzed them.
I can talk about this at length for it is something Maureen and I struggled with when our relationship started and we continue to do so to this day. You see, she is a “DO-ER” and a “FIXER”. It’s just who she is. On the other hand, I am a stubborn S.O.B. (and a slow learner) and I can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I set my mind to, but then reality (ALZHEIMER’S) steps in. That’s when I ask for help.
I have to say, most of the time Maureen is very patient with me. Of course that has a lot to do with my responses to her question, “Do you need help?” If I answer her in a not-so-nice manner like, “NO!!! I CAN DO THIS!” she gives it right back at me. She doesn’t do it to be mean, she does it because I have asked her to treat me as she would anyone else. I don’t want any special treatment.
When I am in my “FOGGY STATE of MIND” she doesn’t ask me anything for I am not able to answer her questions. I can barely make sensible words (from what Maureen tells me at a later time) but I still try. That’s the stubborn part of me that is, I guess, always with me.
You see, when I first started my Advocacy back in the beginning of 2015, I started using my slogan, “I Have Alzheimer’s, BUT, It Doesn’t Have Me” because I was bound and determined not to be recognized as Brian, the guy with Alzheimer’s. I wanted to still be known as Brian, the guy who is Living Well with Alzheimer’s and he doesn’t allow it to define him. I still believe that to this day. I figure, if I allow it to define who I am, then I have lost the battle and I am nowhere near that stage of my life yet. I still have a lot to do and a lot to say.
OK, I got a little sidetracked. Back to “Don’t Do . . . BE.”
As the quote stated at the beginning of this post, doing for someone without asking “disables” them. It doesn’t physically disable them, but it does emotionally disable them. It takes away their confidence and when it happens over and over again, they lose their self-confidence and increases their doubt as to what they can and cannot do. This could start a mental decline and that’s what I fight, every day, not to go down that path. I know it will happen but NOT TODAY!
Actually, Maureen not only allows me to “BE” but she now asks me to assist her with things she is struggling with. That gives me such a boost of confidence and strengthens our relationship.
One last thing I would like to mention is for the Care Partners that are assisting their person in a Care Community. What if your person is non-verbal? How do you know if they are struggling with something? That would happen over time, as you get to know your person, you would become more familiar with the non-verbal signs of them struggling and they may become more comfortable with you assisting them. It becomes a partnership as well as a relationship . . . one person helping another.
So, my main message / suggestion to you is this, “if you see your loved one struggling with something, don’t be so quick to jump in and do it for them. Ask them if they need some assistance. If it becomes something that could lead to them hurting themselves, you may want to ask them again to avoid any type of injury. Yes, I know it’s a slippery slope but as time goes along, you and your person will start working as a team and they may actually start asking for your help instead of waiting until it frustrates them. That is something I still struggle with but, more times than not, I ask Maureen for assistance and she is only too happy to jump right in.
I came across a post today that disturbed me.
It read: A tough conversation — when do older people stop being an asset and start being a liability or do they ever?
My question is, as an individual “LIVING with Alzheimer’s Disease and now, Vascular Dementia, and approaching my 60’s, am I going to be considered a liability by some? Will the public see me as well as others like me as a “Diseased”, “Memory-Impaired” “Demented” person?
How can a person all of a sudden go from an individual to a liability? Is that how the majority of the world sees us? If they do, they are very, very, sadly mistaken.
Just because I have Dementia-Related Illnesses does not mean that I cease to contribute to Society. On the contrary. It is my opinion that I contribute more now than what I ever did when I was employed. In 2013, my employer dismissed me for, what he claimed, was not carrying out my duties to the fullest of my ability. Although I was upset at the time, when I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year later, he may have been correct. I now understand and accept that decision however, it didn’t mean that I was a liability.
My Grandfather and my Mother both Lived with Alzheimer’s but I, nor anyone I know, ever looked upon them as a liability.
My Father Lived with Vascular Dementia. Again, no one I know of looked at him as a liability.
I can’t speak for everyone so I won’t try. I can speak for myself and others I know very well that living with a Dementia-Related Illness, or any type of illness for that matter, is hard . . . very hard. It’s frustrating, not just for ourselves but for our families, our loved ones, and our friends. They have a front-row seat to our frustrations, confusion, and anger but in this case, the front row is not necessarily the best seat in the house.
I have so many friends and acquaintances who have a Dementia-Related Illness, who are CarePartners for their loved ones, who are Executives, CEO’s and Members of Dementia and Elderly Organizations and Communities. They, like me, as well as thousands of others, do not look upon Individuals with Dementia-Related Illnesses or any type of Illness / Disability as a Liability. They see US, not our Disabilities. WE see us as Individuals. We are Person-Centered Focused.
Never should anyone, no matter age or gender, be looked upon as a Liability. No one is perfect and no one ever will be. We are human beings and no matter how perfect we strive to be, we never will be, so we strive to be the best selves we can be.
If that’s not enough for others, oh well!
Each day, I scour the news sources looking for the next “big thing” in the Dementia and Alzheimer’s World. Some days there are very interesting stories full of hope and promise and then there are days when the headlines lead you to believe the next “big thing” has been found, only to find the words, “hopefully” or “in the future” or “in the next 10 years” in the body of the article . . . you see where I’m going.
The thing I continuously see are people like me who are Living with Alzheimer’s and people who are Living with Other Dementia-Related Illnesses being referred to as Patients and/or Sufferers.
I’m not sure about you but I am NOT a PATIENT of any newspaper, magazine, documentary, news channel or TV host.
I also don’t SUFFER from my Alzheimer’s. I struggle.
Part of what I do when I’m advocating is to remind everyone that, although I have a disease that will, one day, contribute to my death, I also remind them that I am NOT anyone’s patient except for my Doctor. “XXX” is my Doctor and I am his/her patient. That’s it. No one else has the right to claim me as a patient. I find that to be highly insulting and it gets on my very last nerve.
When I, and others, are referred to as “SUFFERERS”, it also strikes a nerve. I will speak only for myself on this for I ‘m not sure if others feel like they are suffering. I don’t feel that way. Suffering means, “the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship.” I can understand the hardship part from a financial point of view and on the days when I am in my fog, but I still don’t consider myself suffering.
If I offend anyone by saying this, I don’t mean to. I’m simply stating how I feel. There may be some folks out there who feel as if they are suffering. The only thing I can say to that is, each of us are individuals, and life is going to affect us in individual ways.
The focus right now on those of us Living with Alzheimer’s or other Dementia’s is “SEE ME, NOT MY DISEASE” or “PERSON CENTERED FOCUS.” Person Centred Approach is about ensuring someone with a disability is at the center of decisions which relate to their life. What it boils down to is, who knows us better than US? Instead of making decisions for us or about us, why not include us in the conversation. Ask US what we think. Discuss options with us . Just treat us for who we are and that is human beings.
I know in the later stages, I will be unable to communicate my wishes as to what I would like or dislike. With that said, I already have an Advanced Healthcare Directive and Appointment of Agent as well as a Durable Power of Attorney. It was important to me to make sure I was making the decisions for my life. I did not want to put that responsibility on anyone else. As a side note, as long as I can still eat, there will be peanut butter, chocolate and of course there will be music.
My advice to anyone and everyone is to have these documents prepared. My advice is free and you, as an individual, can do with it what you like.
I’ve said many times, “This is NOT how I expected to spend my retirement but, it is what it is.” I try to be productive every day, BUT . . .
Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not.
Sometimes I write, sometimes I watch Netflix.
Sometimes I just sit, look at photographs and listen to music.
Sometimes I go to Starbucks.
Sometimes I just sit and think.
Sometimes I just sit and cry, but not for long.
I’ll admit, it’s a hard life, but I know there are others who have it worse so I don’t dwell in the darkness for long. I have loved ones who I can call day or night. I have friends, a lot fewer than what I once had (that’s a blog post for another day) that I can lean on when needed, and lastly, I have myself.
In my Alzheimer’s mind, I’m still me. I can still drive, I can still work, I can still fix technological things, I can still balance a checkbook. OK, I can’t physically do ANY of these things anymore, but that’s OK. I know what my limits are . . . most of the time.
At the end of the day when I lay my head on my pillow, I know I’m still me. I’m not everyone’s patient, I’m not suffering and I’m not the me I used to be but that’s OK. You see, I don’t worry about the things I wasn’t able to do today for when I wake up tomorrow morning, I won’t remember. I’ll just re-invent myself all over again, until the next day, and that’s OK with me.
Scanning the headlines under the topics of Alzheimer’s, Alzheimer’s Disease, Dementia and other related topics, I see a trend. The trend is for the future and that’s awesome. My hope is that no one will have to go through what I and millions of others have gone through and are going through now. Trust me when I say, you DON’T want to experience Alzheimer’s Disease.
This is why, towards the end of every single presentation, I make this statement, “I made a vow to myself to share Alzheimer’s Education and Awareness for as long as I am able, in order to benefit those that come after me. I do this in the memory of the loved ones I have already lost, for the new found friends I have recently lost, and for the friends and loved ones I will lose.”
Scouring the headlines, as I do most every day, I see I see things like:
Eat Healthy(newsflash … we’ve been told to eat healthy for decades now. People have followed these programs exactly as they were laid. Some people still developed Alzheimer’s. My Mother ate healthy all her life, measuring her food on a food scale and eating her veggies and she still died with Alzheimer’s Disease.)
Excessive alcohol use linked to early-onset dementia risk (I have yet to see an Alzheimer’s / Dementia health warning posted outside a bar, restaurant, sports stadium or any other establishment that serves liquor. Even if these types of postings would start popping up, do you think it would make a difference?)
Head injuries may lead to early Alzheimer’s (The NFL has made a difference by imposing new rules and bringing Dementia / CTE awareness to the forefront. However, pay close attention to the sidelines as to when a player makes a great play. Everyone gathers around the player and SLAPS HIM IN THE HEAD! and it’s not a little soft tap, and it’s not just once. Maybe they should look into that also. Just sayin’.
How daytime sleepiness may raise Alzheimer’s risk (This is my favorite. Do you know how many people may decide they need a nap during the middle of the day because they are tired but don’t do it now because they feel it may lead to Alzheimer’s Disease? So instead, to relax, they head to their favorite Sports Bar and have a beer.)
There are a lot of things floating around right now appearing in the News Feeds, but in my humble opinion, it’s all speculation. This headline sort of summed it up for me and is also the most honest headline I’ve seen in a while: Alzheimer’s Drug Trials Keep Failing —
It May Be Because We Don’t Understand the Disease
There is hope though. While Pfizer made the decision to back out of the Alzheimer’s Drug Research arena, enter Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, each contributing $100,000,000. It’s refreshing to see individuals like Gates and Buffett step up and do something like this, not for the glory but for the good of humankind.
Living Well with Alzheimer’s Disease is hard but as the saying goes, nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. Throw in the fact that there is no way to prevent it from developing, to stop the progression or to cure it, it has not stopped most of us from living somewhat of a positive, purposeful life. It has also not stopped the countless number of researchers, drug companies, and benefactors from doing what they do each and every day to search for a cure.
I am confident that one day, there will be a cure. Before that, a way to stop the progression of the disease. Before or after that, a way to prevent from developing. Finally, after that . . . THE CURE.
Until then, I’m just going to continue living, as best I can, day by day, in the moment.
In honor of World Alzheimer’s Month, my daughter and I were asked to write a few words as to what it’s like to be a Dad with Alzheimer’s and a Daughter of a Dad with Alzheimer’s. Being today is World Alzheimer’s Day, here are our words, our perspectives, our truths.
My hope is that this brings an awareness, some clarity and raw honesty of how Alzheimer’s not only affects the individual with the disease but the family as a whole. I also hope this shows that Living with Alzheimer’s is still “LIVING”, still “FEELING LOVE”, still being “ALIVE INSIDE!”
Daughter of Dad with Alzheimer’s, from HER Perspective
Being the daughter of a parent living with Alzheimer’s is challenging, unpredictable, and the best way to learn patience. There comes a point where you find yourself, a child, not only wanting to help your parent with the disease, but also being left with no other option but to help. Luckily it doesn’t happen all at once.
It starts with helping them retrace their steps to finding their keys that they put in the fridge, to watching them struggle for a few minutes to find their car in the parking lot, to wondering if they know where a store is five minutes away from home, and then ultimately them not being able to drive anymore at all and having their license taken away. It’s a slow and steady progression, but it still hurts me all the same.
Being the daughter of a parent with Alzheimer’s is having a front row seat to watching someone so close to you literally lose their mind. Nothing prepares you for that, and when the time comes you have to just accept it and take it with a grain of salt. Conversations are a little harder to have, dinners aren’t as cheerful as they once were and outings have become progressively more stressful. But at the end of the day despite all the challenges, the unpredictable circumstances, and my patience running a little too thin…I still love my step dad, and I know he still loves me.
Dad, with Alzheimer’s, of Daughter from HIS perspective
Being a Dad to a daughter is special, like a gift. Throw in Alzheimer’s and it complicates the entire situation. Her helping to care for me while I live with Alzheimer’s was nowhere on my radar, but she just jumped in and never looked back.
At 22 years old, she has her own life and will not be here forever. My questions are, will I be around or aware to see her married, become a mother, to hold my first Grandchild? Will I be there to celebrate those moments with her?
I know she tires of me asking questions she has answered before but she doesn’t bat an eye. She just answers. When she comes home at the end of her work day/night, she sits with me for a few moments, asking me questions about my day that most of the time I can’t answer but somehow, she already knows the answers and helps me fill in the blanks. Funny thing is, I don’t always recognize when she does this . . . but she knows, and it breaks my heart.
I realize I must sound the same as my Mother did (she also had Alzheimer’s) when I asked her questions. I’m sure, as confused as I sound, she still treats me with the same love and kindness as I treated my Mother. I couldn’t ask for anything more loving than that.
She states, “being the daughter of a parent with Alzheimer’s is having a front row seat to watching someone so close to you literally lose their mind.” I don’t know anyone who would want that for any of their children. I know I didn’t and I also know my daughter doesn’t have to do what she does, day in and day out, but she does it.
My one hope is that she is far, far away when I am in need of the type of care I’ll need in the end. Until then, I try to cherish each kiss on the cheek, each moment, no matter how big, small or insignificant we share.
Yes, I still have Alzheimer’s Disease (and no, I’m still not “Faking It.”)
I know everyone wishes for (meas well as everyone else with a Dementia-Related Illness) a cure/prevention/stop of progression (no one wishes that more than me) but there’s still not any of these “yet”, so I live each day as best I can, one moment at a time.
I’m still me and “on most days” you can still talk, joke and laugh with me and I will talk, joke and laugh right back with you.
On the “not-so-good-days”, well let’s just say I have them but don’t remember too much about them, which, when you look at it from my point of view, is actually a fortunate occurrence.
That should bring everyone up to date, so let’s move on.
I don’t get out too much anymore being I am no longer able to drive. I have to depend on my family and some very close acquaintances to take me wherever I need/want to go. The “need to go” far outweighs the “want to go” because I don’t like asking anyone to take me anywhere. I do have the option to “UBER” anywhere I want to go, but I don’t usually opt for that either.
When I do get out and run into people I know, it’s nice to see them. It just reminds of years ago when I was out and about, being part of the social scene. The only difference now is the way I am greeted. (Please don’t think I am being disrespectful or ungrateful for what I’m about to say, just bear with me.) Now, when people see me, they come up and they get a sort of sad expression on their face and they say, in a very caring tone, “Hey, how are you? You look GREAT!!!” The first thing that pops into my mind is, “WOW! I must have looked like crap years ago. What I didn’t realize is the transformation I have gone through.
Let me explain:
One of the changes that comes with Alzheimer’s Disease and one that I am now experiencing is a change in my taste buds as well as in the way I smell things. Here are 2 articles I found which may be helpful for you to understand . . .
Putting 2 and 2 together, when you can’t smell and/or taste the food you are eating, you tend not to enjoy it very much and you also tend not to eat too much.
Growing up in New Orleans, I ate some of the best food in the world . . . and a lot of it. At my highest weight, I was 285lbs. I lost a significant amount of weight and usually kept it between 240lbs and 210lbs, sometimes dipping below, sometimes going a bit higher.
Recently, I did notice that my clothes were not fitting me like they used to. Some were literally falling off of me. What I didn’t realize, until I started seeing recent photos of me is how much weight I had lost. Then I stepped on the scale . . . I saw it steadily drop from 180 to 170 to 160 and now to 155lbs. (I have no recollection as to the last time I was even close to 150lbs but i think it was around the time of my birth.)
I can still recall my Mother taking me to JoAnn’s Husky Shop in New Orleans to shop for clothes. I wanted to wear “normal clothes” but my body had other plans, which usually included the delicious, mouthwatering donuts and pastries from Haydels Bakery and McKenzie’s. I can still taste those delicious buttermilk drops, hot glazed donuts and every pastry you could ever imagine. It was a little fat boys dream for they were both in a “bicycle ride” distance. (All that sugar could be why I have Type II Diabetes today, but I digress.)
ANYWAYS, back to the present . . . I started looking at recent photos of me wearing clothes that were the correct size for me and THAT is when it really hit me.
(Here are 2 photos I took right after my walk this morning August 23rd, 2017, in case any of you haven’t seen me in a while.
And yes, I know I have NO BUTT, but even at my heaviest, I still had NO BUTT! Thanks Dad!
The reason I posted these photos is because if someone hasn’t seen me in a long time and they see me now, looking like I do, no wonder I’m greeted like I am. I would probably do the same if I saw me.
Don’t worry, I still eat, I just don’t eat nearly as much as I used to. I eat healthier food, I don’t snack a lot and now I’m walking every day (or when it’s not raining or due to scheduling conflicts) .
What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry if I thought badly of anyone for having that sad tone in their voice or for telling me I “look great” which is what you tell a sick person to make them feel better about the themselves. Ironically, looking at me now and looking at me a year ago, I kinda-sorta do look sick.
I guess another reason I didn’t see what others see is because in my mind, I’m still me, or at least a version of me.
I know I’m not as sharp as I used to be.
I know I can’t remember too much from yesterday or the day before.
I know I still have to rely on electronic devices to tell me what to do and when to do it.
I know there are things I can no longer do, but I also know why I think like I do and I also know you’ve heard it before, but it’s what I live by . . .
I Have Alzheimer’s BUT . . . it Doesn’t Have Me for I Don’t Allow it to Define Who I Am!