Alzheimer’s . . . from the Daughter / Dad Perspective

In honor of World Alzheimer’s Month, my daughter and I were asked to write a few words as to what it’s like to be a Dad with Alzheimer’s and a Daughter of a Dad with Alzheimer’s. Being today is World Alzheimer’s Day, here are our words, our perspectives, our truths.
My hope is that this brings an awareness, some clarity and raw honesty of how Alzheimer’s not only affects the individual with the disease but the family as a whole.  I also hope this shows that Living with Alzheimer’s is still “LIVING”, still “FEELING LOVE”, still being “ALIVE INSIDE!”
B

IMG_2646

Daughter of Dad with Alzheimer’s, from HER Perspective

Being the daughter of a parent living with Alzheimer’s is challenging, unpredictable, and the best way to learn patience. There comes a point where you find yourself, a child, not only wanting to help your parent with the disease, but also being left with no other option but to help. Luckily it doesn’t happen all at once.

It starts with helping them retrace their steps to finding their keys that they put in the fridge, to watching them struggle for a few minutes to find their car in the parking lot, to wondering if they know where a store is five minutes away from home, and then ultimately them not being able to drive anymore at all and having their license taken away. It’s a slow and steady progression, but it still hurts me all the same.

Being the daughter of a parent with Alzheimer’s is having a front row seat to watching someone so close to you literally lose their mind. Nothing prepares you for that, and when the time comes you have to just accept it and take it with a grain of salt. Conversations are a little harder to have, dinners aren’t as cheerful as they once were and outings have become progressively more stressful. But at the end of the day despite all the challenges, the unpredictable circumstances, and my patience running a little too thin…I still love my step dad, and I know he still loves me. 

Dad, with Alzheimer’s, of Daughter from HIS perspective

Being a Dad to a daughter is special, like a gift. Throw in Alzheimer’s and it complicates the entire situation. Her helping to care for me while I live with Alzheimer’s was nowhere on my radar, but she just jumped in and never looked back.

At 22 years old, she has her own life and will not be here forever. My questions are, will I be around or aware to see her married, become a mother, to hold my first Grandchild? Will I be there to celebrate those moments with her?

I know she tires of me asking questions she has answered before but she doesn’t bat an eye. She just answers. When she comes home at the end of her work day/night, she sits with me for a few moments, asking me questions about my day that most of the time I can’t answer but somehow, she already knows the answers and helps me fill in the blanks. Funny thing is, I don’t always recognize when she does this . . . but she knows, and it breaks my heart.

I realize I must sound the same as my Mother did (she also had Alzheimer’s) when I asked her questions. I’m sure, as confused as I sound, she still treats me with the same love and kindness as I treated my Mother. I couldn’t ask for anything more loving than that.

She states, “being the daughter of a parent with Alzheimer’s is having a front row seat to watching someone so close to you literally lose their mind.” I don’t know anyone who would want that for any of their children. I know I didn’t and I also know my daughter doesn’t have to do what she does, day in and day out, but she does it.

My one hope is that she is far, far away when I am in need of the type of care I’ll need in the end. Until then, I try to cherish each kiss on the cheek, each moment, no matter how big, small or insignificant we share.​

#WAM2017  #WorldAlzheimersDay2017

Until next time . . .
PEACE!

B

 

“Weighing In” on a Few Things

First, let’s do some housekeeping:

  1. Yes, I still have Alzheimer’s Disease (and no, I’m still not “Faking It.”)
  2. I know everyone wishes for (me as well as everyone else with a Dementia-Related Illness) a cure/prevention/stop of progression (no one wishes that more than me) but there’s still not any of these “yet”, so I live each day as best I can, one moment at a time.
  3. I’m still me and “on most days” you can still talk, joke and laugh with me and I will talk, joke and laugh right back with you.
  4. On the “not-so-good-days”, well let’s just say I have them but don’t remember too much about them, which, when you look at it from my point of view, is actually a fortunate occurrence. 

That should bring everyone up to date, so let’s move on.

I don’t get out too much anymore being I am no longer able to drive. I have to depend on my family and some very close acquaintances to take me wherever I need/want to go. The “need to go” far outweighs the “want to go” because I don’t like asking anyone to take me anywhere. I do have the option to “UBER” anywhere I want to go, but I don’t usually opt for that either.

When I do get out and run into people I know, it’s nice to see them. It just reminds of years ago when I was out and about, being part of the social scene. The only difference now is the way I am greeted. (Please don’t think I am being disrespectful or ungrateful for what I’m about to say, just bear with me.) Now, when people see me, they come up and they get a sort of sad expression on their face and they say, in a very caring tone, “Hey, how are you? You look GREAT!!!” The first thing that pops into my mind is, “WOW! I must have looked like crap years ago. What I didn’t realize is the transformation I have gone through.

Let me explain:
One of the changes that comes with Alzheimer’s Disease and one that I am now experiencing is a change in my taste buds as well as in the way I smell things.

Here are 2 articles I found which may be helpful for you to understand . . . 

How Dementia Tampers With Taste Buds
https://www.everydayhealth.com/alzheimers/how-dementia-tampers-with-taste-buds.aspx
Food, Eating and Alzheimer’s
https://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-food-eating.asp


Putting 2 and 2 together, when you can’t smell and/or taste the food you are eating, you tend not to enjoy it very much and you also tend not to eat too much.
Growing up in New Orleans, I ate some of the best food in the world . . . and a lot of it. At my highest weight, I was 285lbs. I lost a significant amount of weight and usually kept it between 240lbs and 210lbs, sometimes dipping below, sometimes going a bit higher.

Recently, I did notice that my clothes were not fitting me like they used to. Some were literally falling off of me. What I didn’t realize, until I started seeing recent photos of me is how much weight I had lost. Then I stepped on the scale . . . I saw it steadily drop from 180 to 170 to 160 and now to 155lbs. (I have no recollection as to the last time I was even close to 150lbs but i think it was around the time of my birth.)

I can still recall my Mother taking me to JoAnn’s Husky Shop in New Orleans to shop for clothes. I wanted to wear “normal clothes” but my body had other plans, which usually included the delicious, mouthwatering donuts and pastries from Haydels Bakery and McKenzie’s. I can still taste those delicious buttermilk drops, hot glazed donuts and every pastry you could ever imagine. It was a little fat boys dream for they were both in a “bicycle ride” distance. (All that sugar could be why I have Type II Diabetes today, but I digress.)

ANYWAYS, back to the present . . . I started looking at recent photos of me wearing clothes that were the correct size for me and THAT is when it really hit me.

(Here are 2 photos I took right after my walk this morning August 23rd, 2017, in case any of you haven’t seen me in a while.
And yes, I know I have NO BUTT, but even at my heaviest, I still had NO BUTT! Thanks Dad!

The reason I posted these photos is because if someone hasn’t seen me in a long time and they see me now, looking like I do, no wonder I’m greeted like I am. I would probably do the same if I saw me.

Don’t worry, I still eat, I just don’t eat nearly as much as I used to. I eat healthier food,  I don’t snack a lot and now I’m walking every day (or when it’s not raining or due to scheduling conflicts) .

What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry if I thought badly of anyone for having that sad tone in their voice or for telling me I “look great” which is what you tell a sick person to make them feel better about the themselves. Ironically, looking at me now and looking at me a year ago, I kinda-sorta do look sick.

I guess another reason I didn’t see what others see is because in my mind, I’m still me, or at least a version of me.
I know I’m not as sharp as I used to be.
I know I can’t remember too much from yesterday or the day before.
I know I still have to rely on electronic devices to tell me what to do and when to do it.
I know there are things I can no longer do, but I also know why I think like I do and I also know you’ve heard it before, but it’s what I live by . . .

I Have Alzheimer’s BUT . . . it Doesn’t Have Me
for I Don’t Allow it to Define Who I Am!

That’s it for now.
Until Next Time . . .
B

PEACE!!!

 

So, Where’s the Alzheimer’s Awareness?

“Living with Alzheimer’s is not the way I wanted to spend my retirement, however, I’ve made the decision to play the cards I’ve been dealt. Although the cards are not stacked in my favor, I’m still going to bet on the positive.” ~bpl

June, the sixth month of the year, the halfway point of 2017, the month in which we celebrate Father’s Day, my wife’s birthday and generally, Summer gets into full swing.
Oh, yeah, it’s also “Alzheimer’s & Brain Awareness Month”, although looking at news outlets, you would never know. 

This morning, with Dallas, my faithful companion in my lap, my coffee in one hand and my Atkins Breakfast Bar in the other, I settled into my recliner to watch my Favorite Show, “CBS Sunday Morning with Jane Pauley.” This show is my go to Sunday morning show for I’ve been watching it since it’s inception in 1979. My mother (Norma LeBlanc, 1929-2015, Alzheimer’s) watched it religiously, which is how I grew to love the show.

I was a little put off this morning. Being the first show in the month of June, there was no mention of June being “Alzheimer’s & Brain Awareness Month.” I thought for sure there would be “some mention” of it, but it was nowhere to be found. I started flipping through the channels on the other morning shows and found nothing. I “Googled” the major networks and looked at their news feeds . . . NOTHING.

Before anyone says anything, yes, I am aware that the Terrorist attack in London took the top spot and wouldn’t expect any other news item to be at the forefront. My heart goes out to those who were injured and especially to the individuals (and their families) who lost their lives in a senseless manner. So very sad. 

But on this Sunday, like any other Sunday, those of us who advocate on a daily basis still soldiered on, screaming at the top of our lungs, (in a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn sort of way) sharing Alzheimer’s Awareness and Education. But it was business as usual. NO ALZHEIMER’S SUNDAY STORIES!

Instead, CBS Sunday Morning ran a story on HIV/AIDS, which I’m glad they at least paid attention to one of the diseases that takes lives too early. I’m also thankful for the advances in HIV/AIDS research. I can only hope for the day Alzheimer’s Disease is on the same playing field.

You may think that since I have been Living with Alzheimer’s Disease since 2014 (diagnosed in 2014 but according to my Neurologist,  probably living with it for up to 10 years prior) that I’m whining. Well yeah, maybe I am a little.

I won’t speak for anyone else, however, I know there are many that will agree with me that Alzheimer’s, in my opinion, has been treated like the red-headed step-child of the disease world. Although it is the 6th leading cause of death when it comes to diseases, it has been severely underfunded when it comes to research dollars. In the last couple of months, Alzheimer’s research dollars finally reached the BILLION DOLLAR MARK, and it was just barely over the BILLION DOLLAR mark and still far behind other diseases.

Part of the reason why? Alzheimer’s is one of the most misunderstood and complex diseases there is.
Imagine how it would be if there was a way to stop the progression, prevent it from developing or even cure it. I bet the $$$ would be flowing.

I just wish Alzheimer’s was given as much attention as others.
Take Breast Cancer for instance. When November rolls around, for the very first NFL Football game that month, there is pink everywhere. On NBC’s Today Show, the male anchors take part in “No Shave November” campaign.

Alzheimer’s has June 21st, “The Longest Day”.
According to The Alzheimer’s Association:

“The Longest Day is all about love.
Love for all those affected by Alzheimer’s disease.
On the summer solstice, team up with the Alzheimer’s Association
and select any activity you love — or an activity loved by those affected —
to help end Alzheimer’s. Together, we will raise funds and awareness
for care and support while advancing research toward
the first survivor of Alzheimer’s.”

The Longest Day is a great idea, do something you love, in memory of someone who had Alzheimer’s or with someone that has Alzheimer’s Disease and raise money for the cause. But what about the other 364 days of the year. 
OK, 363 days of the year for we have the “Walk to END ALZHEIMER’s“. 

Professional sports such as Basketball and Baseball take place in June. Why don’t we tap into those organizations so everyone will see PURPLE everywhere they look. I give BIG PROPS to our Double-A Baseball Team, The Pensacola Blue Wahoo’s (farm team of the Cinicinatti Reds) for working with us (The ALZ Assoc of the AL/FL Panhandle) to hold an Alzheimer’s Fund Raiser called, “Paint the Park Purple.”  The event is June 12th if you would like to join us. (contact me if you would like information)

Also, Seth and Lauren Rogen do an awesome job of bringing Alzheimer’s to the forefront with their “Hilarity for Charity” event. (Hilarity for Charity® (HFC) is a movement led by Seth Rogen and Lauren Miller Rogen to inspire change and raise awareness of Alzheimer’s disease among the millennial generation. Lauren’s Mother was diagnosed at the age of 55).

I still feel we are falling short when it comes to awareness. Look at Social Media! I can post, and others can post, all types of Alzheimer’s Awareness stories, photos, articles, etc. and get “some” traction, but post a pic of a laughing baby, a drunk person falling down stairs, an adorable pet of any kind, or a nude person and it gets “A BILLION” more likes and shares than our Alzheimer’s Awareness posts. I’m not sure what that says about society but I just know it gets more likes than the stuff I post.

And to make matters worse, when we, those of us who Advocate publicly, are asked to speak at Alzheimer’s functions, we are consistently told, “well, you don’t look like you have Alzheimer’s.” I know I’ve said this before but, unless we are sitting in a wheelchair, not able to do anything for ourselves, it’s hard for others to believe we actually have Alzheimer’s. After all, we are walking, talking and living a life that’s hard for society to comprehend.

So, what do we do? I guess, for the time being, we continue doing what we have been doing. I know through my own Alzheimer’s Advocacy, I’m not going to reach every single person, but if I reach at leat 1, I’m doing what I set out to do. Maybe that’s what it’s going to take. Reach 1 person at a time, one day a time. I guess I can do that because time is something I have a lot of right now. I may as well use it constructively.

Until next time . . .
PEACE!

B

 

Part II So . . . You Think I’m Faking my Alzheimer’s Disease, do you?

Part II      So . . . You Think I’m Faking my Alzheimer’s Disease, do you?

After writing the first post earlier in the week, I received so many comments here, on Facebook, Messenger, Twitter, texts and e-mail that were all very positive. I appreciated everything each of you had to say. What I came to realize in conversations with some folks was, I wasn’t alone of being accused of FAKING a Dementia-Related Illness. It broke my heart that so many other people have gone through the same scenario I did. Then, I received a phone call from a good friend of mine (who also doesn’t look like or act like he has Alzheimer’s). We talked for a long time and we discussed so many things related to my recent blog post. I knew then that I was going to have to do a Part II based upon the information we discussed. So, without further ado . . .

PART II (hey, that rhymed with ado! It’s amazing what a person with Alzheimer’s can do!)

I will start with a quote from the Invisible Disabilities Association

“In general, the term disability is often used to describe an ongoing physical challenge. This could be a bump in life that can be well managed or a mountain that creates serious changes and loss. Either way, this term should not be used to describe a person as weaker or lesser than anyone else! Every person has a purpose, special uniqueness, and value, no matter what hurdles they may face.

In addition, just because a person has a disability, does not mean they are disabled. Many living with these challenges are still fully active in their work, families, sports or hobbies. Some with disabilities are able to work full or part time but struggle to get through their day, with little or no energy for other things. Others are unable to maintain gainful or substantial employment due to their disability, have trouble with daily living activities and/or need assistance with their care.”

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InvisibleDisabilities/

Twitter: @InvDisabilities
Web: https://invisibledisabilities.org

When I wrote Part I, I had no knowledge of the Invisible Disabilities Association which is why I listed their information above. You should really go take a look!

I also failed to mention in Part 1 that I have Type II Diabetes and Heart Disease (3 heart attacks, 2 stents). I mention these 2 diseases since they are Dementia-Related Illnesses. Along with the genetics from my Great-Grandmother, Maternal Grandfather and Mother, (all who died with Alzheimer’s) you throw my Father into the mix (who died with Vascular Dementia) and he, along with my Mother, passed along the ApoE4 protein to me, the chances of me NOT developing Alzheimer’s were pretty slim.  

Even with all that, I’m faking. 

I’ve also had about a dozen surgeries in my life yet none of these issues EVER came into question from anyone. No one ever said to me, “You don’t look like you have Diabetes” or “You don’t look like you’ve had 3 heart attacks” or You don’t lok like you’ve had that many surgeries.”
SO, WHY THE ACCUSATIONS OF FAKING ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE??? 

I shake my head in disbelief for I wouldn’t even know HOW to fake Alzheimer’s.

To put it plainly, living with this disease is no picnic. It really sucks.
The hardest part of Living with Alzheimer’s, at least for me, is knowing you have a fatal disease that one day will contribute to your death. However, you can’t think about it all the time for it’s really a depressing subject. So, you suck it up because the last thing you want to do is to affect your family in any type of negative way.  But remember, we have Alzheimer’s and we forget and, unbeknownst to us, we do bring it up, and that sucks even worse.

I think I’ve said this before but it’s worth saying again . . .
“I don’t try to paint a rosy picture of Living with Alzheimer’s because there’s nothing rosy about it.”
It would be an insult to myself as well as to anyone who is currently living with the Disease or who’s life has already ended because of the Disease if I tried to make it sound any other way than what it actually is.

“But you LOOK good”
“You just want attention”
“But you don’t LOOK sick”

https://invisbledisabilities.org


How many times have we heard this? I know this statement has been uttered to individuals with all types of diseases that can’t be seen. You see, when someone breaks their arm or leg, they get a cast. 
If someone cuts themselves, they get a bandage. If someone has surgeries, they have scars.

Alzheimer’s is invisible. It can’t really be seen, however, it can be seen through our unsteady actions, through the way we sometimes stutter while trying to find our words, or, during conversations when we start repeating ourselves.

Then, if they’re paying attention, they know something isn’t right. 

When I first started advocating, I actually talked about Alzheimer’s being invisible. I told my audience, “it would be easier if we all dressed in purple and had a cool-looking cape with a big A on it. Besides looking “hero-ish” people would then know we have Alzheimer’s.” (Based on that is where I came up with my Twitter name “The ALZ Guy”. I pictured myself standing on a stage wearing my purple, Super Hero-ish costume, and starting my presentation with my hands on my hips, saying in my best Batman voice, “I’M ALZHEIMER’S GUY!”
OK, now that you know I have a very vivid imagination, I’ll move on.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can’t control what other people think or what other people say. When it comes to Alzheimer’s or other Dementia-Related Illnesses, there is so much that is unknown, people don’t know how to react.
Sometimes they will say negative things for they think are correct or factual.
Sometimes they will say negative things because they can’t/won’t accept the truth that you have a fatal disease.
And sadly, sometimes they will say negative things just out of meanness or jealousy, you know, just because they think you’re faking it just to get attention.

The only thing you are able to control in this situation is you. People can say what they want but it’s up to you whether or not you let the words harm you. Don’t get me wrong, the words sting, but, probably the one good thing about those of us living with Dementia,
WE’LL FORGET WHAT THEY SAID . . . unless of course, we’re faking!

Until Next Time,

PEACE
B

So . . . You Think I’m Faking my Alzheimer’s Disease, do you?

So . . . You Think I’m Faking my Alzheimer’s Disease, do you?

Imagine my amazement when through recent conversations with some close acquaintances, I was told that there are individuals who think I am FAKING my Alzheimer’s Disease. Yeah, I know, right?

First off, HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU FAKE ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE???

  • I’ve had brain scans. Did I manipulate them by turning my brain off, not thinking anything while in the scanner?
  • I’ve been diagnosed, not once, not twice, not thrice, but 4 freakin’ times
    by a Neurologist, a Neuropsychiatrist, and two Neuropsychologists (appointed by the Social Security Administration, who by the way, declines benefits until no stone is unturned). Did I fake not remembering how to draw a clock or another type of shape?  Did I fake remembering the 4 words I was told 5 minutes ago?
  • Do I fake every day not remembering things from 1 minute, 1 hour or 1 day ago
  • I’ve had my driving privileges taken away by my Dr. for it was determined I no longer have the cognitive abilities or proper reaction time to operate a vehicle. Did I fake that too?

BOGUS

WOW . . . if I was faking all this, I must be a pretty damn good faker to have come up with this diabolical plan. But wait, if I was actually faking it, wouldn’t that take someone who can think and remember what to do, day in and day out, so they could remember to keep “faking it?”

Could someone:

  • who has no clue what day it is
  • who cannot tell time on a non-digital watch
  • who has to have alerts on his phone to remind him to take his medicine, to eat and to bathe every day
  • who can’t remember, day to day, how to work a TV remote

Could someone who is Cognitively Impaired really carry out this plan?

Oh wait, I get it . . . I’m supposed to be curled up in a bed, not able to talk intelligently, not able to feed myself or go to the bathroom by myself, and not remember my wife and children. God forbid, should I be able to use a laptop to write blog posts that will hopefully bring awareness and education to people who don’t understand the in’s and out’s of Living with Alzheimer’s Disease that they only saw in their elderly parents and grandparents.

GEEEEZZZZ, I guess since I’m able to do all of these things, maybe all of those so called medical professionals, all 4 of them, plus their PA’s and NP’s, all with their Diplomas and Certificates and published articles are just full of shit!

Maybe they have a quota as to how many people they have to diagnose with a Dementia-Related Illness each month and they needed just one more to be awarded the monthly “Hey, You Diagnosed Some Poor Sucker with a Fatal Illness Who Wasn’t  Really Sick” award, and I was the lucky one.
Maybe they (all 4 Dr’s, PA’s and NP’s) deliberately lied to me just to turn my life and my family’s life inside out and upside down, all the while so they can collect a $35 co-pay so they have some spending money for lunch!
Wow, did they pull the wool over my eyes, or what?

FAKE

I’ve been open and honest about my Alzheimer’s life since the day I was diagnosed. When I talk about it, I don’t do it to make people feel sorry for me, to have pity on me or to call attention to myself.
If I did that, I’d be dishonoring the lives of my Grandfather, my Mother and Father, or my wife’s Grandmother.
If I did that, I’d be making a mockery of every person in the world who has Alzheimer’s Disease, whether they be over or under the age of 65, individuals who I now call a friend.
If I did that, I’d be purposely putting my wife and children through sheer, underserving, inexcusable, wretched hell.

Well, I don’t have the capability to do something like that. 

I’m not saying I’m perfect for I have many faults and I’ve made many mistakes in my life that I’ve paid dearly for, but I’m not evil!

So, for those of you who want to continue thinking I’m faking my illness, please go right ahead. You have the right to think and say what you want. You can’t hurt me anymore than what I’ve already been. We don’t talk or see each other so it’s not like I’m missing out on anything.

Since receiving my “diagnosis” I’ve become non-existent to you, well, except to be called a fake, not to my face of course.

So please, continue your path in life and feel good about yourself. It must be nice to sit upon your throne and pass judgment upon those of us, you feel, are just skating through life.

Yeah, I’m skating alright. Of course, I can no longer skate on my own (guess I’m faking that too) but I’ve got Shannon (and her family), Asheton, Bradley, Linda and so many others holding me up both physically and emotionally when I need it. Unfortunately, I’ve been needing their assistance more and more lately but they are always there. I know I’m fortunate to have them, and yes, I know who YOU are, and I NEVER take it for granted.

They understand what I go through every day. They see and talk to me on good days, bad days and all days in between, because they get it and I am so thankful for that.

Feel free to call them and ask them if I’m “faking it”.
Better yet, just call Shannon. She would just loooooove to talk to some of you.
Just be prepared though, she’s kinda protective of me.

Until Next Time . . .

PEACE,
B

 

Miracle on Main Street USA

Miracle on Main Street USA

mir·a·cle
ˈmirək(ə)l/
noun

a surprising and welcoming event that is not explainable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency. 

My most memorable, recollected use of the word “Miracle” was during the 1980 Olympics. Al Michaels of ABC Sports, with only 2 seconds left on the clock, shouted, “DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?” as the under-dogged USA defeated Russia for the Olympic Gold Medal in Hockey. 

There was a three-act play, “The Miracle Worker” by William Gibson based on Helen Keller’s autobiography, “The Story of My Life”  which premiered in 1962.

Of course, you have all seen the  Christmas classic (1947), and re-make (1994), of the movie, “Miracle on 34th Street.”  

(Now you know where I got my inspiration for the title of this blog post)

OK, enough about all of that.


If you haven’t read my 2 previous blog posts, you may want to read them. Doing so may give you better insight to understand what has been going on with me. 

In case you don’t want to go back, here’s a very quick recap:
I woke up on the morning of February 5th unable to speak. Not from laryngitis but something that was Alzheimer’s related. I spent the next 2 1/2 weeks struggling to find my voice but, was unsuccessful.

That should bring you up to speed.
In between the 2 1/2 weeks with no voice, Shannon and I celebrated our 9th Wedding Anniversary. We both made each other handmade cards and went out to dinner.

I’ve always prided myself on being creative and was very satisfied with the card I made for Shannon. However, on this Anniversary, she went all out.

I will share a quote from her letter:

“You are my husband, my best friend, the ying to my yang, my partner in life.
My gift to you this year is memories . . .
So, Brian LeBlanc, you made it through 9 years of marriage . . . What are you going to do now???

“YOU’RE GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!” We leave in 7 days!
Being that I couldn’t talk, I let my tears do the talking. 
She knew what I needed and she knew where I needed to be.
She was hoping and praying for a miracle.

We didn’t tell anyone where we were going and being I couldn’t speak made it kind of easy for me to comply. I even had to remind myself NOT to post anything on Social Media. (I used sticky notes on my desk to remind me.) We wanted it to be just about us . . . a change of scenery to our favorite place turned out to be just what we both needed.

 

I should have known something was up when, on our way to Orlando, “Brown Eyed Girl” came on the radio. I sang every word of the song. I still couldn’t speak at the time, but I sang that song. It was such an appropriate moment, for when I was with the band “Mass Kunfuzion”, every time I sang that song, I dedicated it to Shannon. So there we were, rolling down the Interstate, on our way to the “Happiest Place on Earth”, and I’m singing to my wife. 

Sunday was our first visit to the Magic Kingdom. It was like re-visiting an old, familiar friend. Although we were surrounded by tens of thousands of people, a sense of peace came over me.  I know it sounds strange but if you’ve read my previous posts where I speak of Disneyworld, it should come as no surprise as to how I was feeling.

 

The following is my own recollection of what happened on February 19th, 2017, that “Miraculous Sunday.” I’m sure Shannon, with her crystal-clear memory recall ability, could fill in the gaps, but this is what I remember.

As it was nearing the time for the fireworks show, I said something. What I said, I have no idea. (Up to that point I was only able to say very few, single words. The rest of my communication was conveyed by using a whiteboard and a text to speech app)

Shannon turned to me and said, “What did you say?”
I think I shrugged my shoulders.
She said, “you just said a complete sentence!”
I thought she may have heard someone nearby and only THOUGHT it was me.

She told me again, “you said a complete sentence!”

Even though I couldn’t remember, not only what I said, but couldn’t remember saying anything at all, I remember feeling very warm.

Then the fireworks started.

I remembered distinctly what came next.
I heard the words, “Oh my God, that is so beautiful!” come out of my mouth.
I immediately turned to Shannon and she was smiling the biggest smile I have ever seen.
She said, “You did it again. YOU TALKED!”
I replied in a very tearful voice, “I KNOW!” 

Again, I felt a burst of warmth spread over me.
I knew something had just happened. I didn’t quite understand what happened, or why it happened, but it happened. We just held each other and it was like no one else was around. 

(the photo below was taken immediately after the fireworks while I was still experiencing unexplainable moisture flowing from my eyes. I think I was still in shock as to what just happened.)
img_5978

Why my speech returned at that precise moment still befuddles me.
Did a miracle just happen?
Contrary to popular belief, miracles do happen.
Shannon and I firmly believe this was a miracle.


It didn’t happen slowly, it was all of a sudden like a switch was turned from off to on. I don’t think I have stopped talking since then. When I’m at home and no one is around, I talk to Dallas. He’s an excellent listener and never, ever disagrees with what I’m saying.

For those of you that have known me for many years know that I love to talk. My family knows that I love to talk. For them, I’m sure it was sort of a vacation for them to not have to hear me talking non-stop about everything and anything. They are, however, thankful and relieved that I can speak once again because they know how lost I was without my voice.

Shannon and I kept the news of the return of my speech to ourselves. We told no one.
The reason being, we didn’t want to say “HEY!!! I CAN TALK AGAIN!!!” and the next day, or 2 days later, my voice disappeared again. So, we were overly cautious. Also, I didn’t want to give anyone false hopes, especially Shannon. So, we remained quiet. 

Imagine what it was like. Here I was, not able to speak for 2 1/2 weeks and all of a sudden, I could speak again, but I had to keep it on the down-low. So, what did I do? I talked to everyone in Disneyworld. It didn’t matter who they were or whether they understood English. I talked and talked and talked.
I think, by the time we were packed up and headed back home, Shannon was probably afraid I was going to talk her ear off. But I didn’t.
So, here I am, able to speak again, and “miraculously” feeling a bit more clear-minded. Maybe I’m imagining it or maybe it’s real. I don’t really care. 
I’m just going with how I feel.

 

Needless to say:

  • I will never forget how Walt Disneyworld makes me feel
  • I will never forget how Walt Disneyworld made me feel as normal as I could feel
  • I will NEVER forget the Miracle on Main Street USA on Sunday, Feb 19, 2017.

Lastly, as far as believing in miracles, well . . . Shannon and I are TRUE BELIEVERS!

Until Next Time,
PEACE!
B

And So IT Continues . . .

This has been a very long week + 2 days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve lost the ability to speak.

At first, it was scary. I didn’t know how I was going to get through this. Then, my support system, comprised of Bradley (16), Asheton(22) and Shannon (I’m not telling her age!) stepped in, telling me I’m not alone in this, and that “WE” will get through this. They have kept true to their word.

So far, I haven’t received any encouraging news as to what caused this. One Dr. said it could have been the brain hemorrhage that showed on my MRI.
Another said it was the growth and spreading of plaques and tangles in the frontal lobe of my brain.
Another said it wasn’t any of those things.
So, I’m feeling very good about myself . . . NOT!!!

The one positive thing about all of this is the unbelievable support, encouragement, and love that pours in each and every day. It comes through texts, both facebook messenger and posts, twitter, Instagram, and e-mail. The organizations I volunteer for, Alzheimer’s Association (national and local) Dementia Action Alliance, Covenant Care, and Dementia Alliance International) have all sent messages of encouragement and concern. Covenant Care even went as far as sending (and hand delivering) a card full of encouragement along with a praline and pecan King Cake. (Don’t worry, I took an extra dose of insulin. I wasn’t about to miss out on that deliciousness of sugary confection. And besides, it would’ve been rude of me if they asked if I enjoyed it and I answered with, “I don’t know, I didn’t eat any of it because I’m diabetic!” My Momma taught me NOT to be rude.)

Anyway, back to the no-speaking thing.  

Being I can’t communicate, except for very few words, (Love You, Yes, No, and Pee-Pee. Just to clarify, Pee-Pee is for my dog Dallas . . . not for me!) I use a whiteboard and an app named “TextToSpeech”. You pick the type of voice you want, you type in whatever you want to say, and then hit speak. It’s very easy to use. Since I’m still able to form words in my head, I’m still able to type and write. I don’t know how, but neither does anyone else so far. I’m hoping someone, someday with be able to tell me exactly what’s going on.

On the negative side, I’ve had to cancel a number of my speaking engagements and I literally hate that. Since being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I’ve never had to cancel any speaking engagements.  Having to do so makes me feel as if I let a host of people down especially when it comes to Law Enforcement. I always enjoyed teaching them the Crisis Intervention Team Training, where I taught them how to recognize someone with Dementia. It’s important since more and more individuals, especially baby-boomers like me, are being diagnosed with a Dementia-Related Illness. I know it is being left in good hands but  . . .

I’m also getting used to not driving anywhere. It’s not the “not driving” part, it’s being isolated and dependent upon others. I’ve burdened my family enough already. Now I’m asking them to drive me places or to get me things. I hate having to ask but they never say no. They always find a way. I’ve come to the realization that I’ll never drive again and, like everything else, that will have to be OK. There’s always UBER, if I need to get out. I can use my Text to Speech App to tell them where I need to go. We’ll see.

I’m just going to continue to do what I do as best as I can. I will advocate through the written word instead of the spoken.

I will keep a positive attitude, especially when it comes to my family. They don’t deserve to have to take care of me especially with a “piss-poor” or a “poor poor me” attitude. They deserve the best me I can be and that is what I strive to do.

Some days are rougher than others. Yesterday I was in bed the majority of the day for I kept falling. My dizziness was at an all-time high. I figured the best way to deal with that and not worry my family was to eliminate my walking.  So I stayed in bed.

Before I go, I just want to drive home one more thing. 
Yes . . . I have Alzheimer’s!
Yes . . . I can no longer speak!
Yes . . . It’s a pain in the ass to deal with!
However . . . I’m Still Here, Living the Best Life I Can!

There are many others in the world who are just like me.
DON’T COUNT US OUT!

We still have a lot of life within us.
We still have a lot to say and we’ll say it through any form of communication we are able.

We will continue our Advocacy, raising Awareness and Educating about all things Dementia-Related.
Even when we are no longer of this earth, our words will still live on.

“I Have Alzheimer’s BUT, It Doesn’t Have Me
for I Don’t Allow it to Define Who I AM!!!”

Until Next Time,
PEACE

B